ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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