did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
