God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
