Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
