that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
