i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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