Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
