dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
