Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
