He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Randomize
