Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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