Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize