Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize