im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
her vagine was all disorganized.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
