whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
