I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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