I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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