i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
