He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
