I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
