Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
