I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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