Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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