I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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