So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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