i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
