youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
