I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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