Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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