I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How does one acquire holy water?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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