theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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