I wanna passion pit in your ass
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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