and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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