If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He shit in the fireplace
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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