He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
