I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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