They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
