i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
