I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
How external is "for external use only"?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize