she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
