In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
