He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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