Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
