I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She bit a glass in half.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
