Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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