I think I died a long time ago.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
