do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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