There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
