I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
