Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
