maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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