I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
