she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
