Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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