I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
