So drunk its hurt
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
