I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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