so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
