someone threw a dead crab at me
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize