So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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