I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
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