I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
