just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
