omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
