Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
