seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
