the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
