i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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