Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
