how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
