the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
