So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
