im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
