I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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