I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
