I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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